Really Bad Jokes in English

The other day, I saw a kind of infographic about the bad jokes in English, and I thought that we also have hundreds of them in Turkish, as well. I’m sure we have such kind of jokes in every language. However bad they are, they are also quite funny in a way. Whenever I hear one, I pretend it does not amuse me – just because it is a bad joke- but I kind of get amused by it. This feeling is hard to tell, you see. It is also impossible to translate them! 🙂 Let’s see how you feel!

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
“Damn.”

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho Cheese. (Prounounce “Not your cheese.”)

What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They’re trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help … after it bites your leg off.

And more…

Share your comments with me and feel free to add more bad jokes! 🙂

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10 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Marcel on October 13, 2012 at 09:06

    Where was the RAF’s tiniest airfield in WWII?
    Under a Scotsman’s kilt.

    It consisted of two hangers and a Spitfire

    Reply

  2. Posted by nguoihanoixua on October 15, 2012 at 16:49

    Long time ago, I heard this one about the price of steak:
    Restaurant manager: How do you find your steak?
    Dinner guest; Oh, I just lift the lettuce. and there it was!

    Reply

  3. Posted by Lee Eisenberg on October 15, 2012 at 19:15

    I was thinking of making a sodium joke, but Na.

    Reply

  4. The following conversation took place recently in a hotel :

    “Waiter!”

    “Yes, sir.”

    “What’s this?”

    “It’s bean soup, sir.”

    “No matter what it has been, the question is, what is it now?”

    Reply

    • Posted by Murali on October 19, 2012 at 07:48

      Hey ! I honestly don’t understand why you call these as “bad jokes”. Anybody who has a flair for words would appreciate all of these here. These may not serve to make one guffaw, but certainly do serve to de-stress a good deal !!

      Reply

  5. […] recently read a (very funny) list of wordplay jokes in English. The translator who posted them lamented the infamous difficulty of translating this kind of joke […]

    Reply

  6. Posted by mary on October 23, 2012 at 15:54

    What do you call a Boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.
    Why don’t blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the dog.
    What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka
    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirt bag.
    Why did the Pilgrims pants always fall down? Because they wore their belt buckles on their hats.
    What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes: whack, dang; a bad skydiver goes: dang! whack.
    How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same? Either one, somebody’s gonna lose a trailer.
    “Support bacteria. They are the only culture some people have.”

    Reply

  7. […] recently read a (very funny) list of wordplay jokes in English. The translator who posted them lamented the infamous difficulty of translating this kind of joke […]

    Reply

  8. […] recently read a (very funny) list of wordplay jokes in English. The translator who posted them lamented the infamous difficulty of translating this kind of joke […]

    Reply

  9. Posted by Dolly on May 24, 2014 at 16:38

    I want more

    Reply

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